Loose the Demons Within

Loose the demons within ye,

Fear not while they encircle thee,

For if you don’t you’ll never know

What truly lives inside your soul.

You’ve let them loose and soon you’ll see

What it is that you can be;

Indeed you’ll need to sort things out

and live your life without a doubt.

There’s no changing what we’ve done,

We must learn from where we’ve gone;

Who we are and what we’ve become.

The only life necessity

Is choosing our own destiny;

Setting out to overcome,

We can become anyone.

Truth you learn about yourself

Can’t be found on any shelf.

The power deep within your soul

Can take you where you want to go;

The only way to further growth

Is to take a stand and give an oath

that you’ll move with certainty

and you can change who you will be.

It’s not easy, that’s for sure

but you will indeed mature.

If you’re seeking happiness

Alas, with this: rest your stress.

There is nothing you can see

or buy or touch to set you free.

There is but one truth required

Self satisfaction must be acquired.

Discover this and you will see

Just how happy you can be.

Take it further and you will know

Just how much the world can grow.

Instead of bickering in petty quarrels

We can stop killing and live with good morals.

Let us protect our sovereignty

Did you know you’ve lost civil liberty?

You see while you’ve argued about Abortions,

Scandals, Drugs, and Religious Forces.

In terror you’ve missed what’s most important, see

you’ve failed to protect what makes us free.

Tagged “Patriot” during a media war,

A bill once declined can pass on The Floor

Completely abolishing what we hold dear

while idiots, confused and consumed with fear,

Will force their opinions instead of just fact

With meaningless laws that we should retract.

Completely preoccupied in a screen of smoke,

We’ve forced our opinions, now our system is broke.

We’ve sacrificed all our fathers have left us

And traded it all for war, debt and taxes.

We leave important stuff like accountability,

to a biased and lying “research” committee.

The distortion, fear and covered up importance,

Truly comes from inside this body of governance.

There’s plenty of details you didn’t see,

As they hushed them and rushed them and said “trust me.”

You can’t pay attention while you run and hide,

You’ve been deceived by your own side.

Even if there was an attacker, you see,

Lying to your people is unnecessary.

Now look at it all in retrospect,

We all messed up but, with respect,

We can still research a good portion,

Not the whole truth, but at least some distortion.

Then ask yourself, in all honesty,

“Do I really think those leaders care about me?”

It’s probable that some really do support us,

But their will alone can’t destroy this circus.

If the country were still run constitutionally,

We would actually still be free.

Instead we vote for satanic “Christian” posers

and let baseless wars start right under our noses.

With loaded terms like “Conspiracy”

We’re told these things are simply crazy!

Why do you think elections are hard to decide,

If you act day-to-day like our politicians don’t lie.

It’s talking to each other, that is the key

I’ll listen to you, you listen to me,

Don’t claim It insane if you won’t check and see,

You should admit: that’s just plain blasphemy.

A system designed to move “money” to the top,

While you’re getting robbed for all that you’ve got.

Private companies managing worth of our own sixpence,

But money no longer has value, besides “confidence.”

Economy is rated by spending, you see,

and we’re the ones spending, while they save with greed.

While we spend 100% of our earnings,

They sing and praise our mindless subservience.

Hughes, Rockefeller and Bushes resting above us,

draining our pockets and singing in chorus.

Spending a fraction of what we deliver,

while watching society’s pockets perpetually get slimmer.

Next the fake economy withers and crumbles,

So we print more money “to save the masses”

cycles everlasting in a system of shambles.

Poverty and misery and all that’s distorted,

are illusions from history when man stumbled and horded.

But we’ve progressed far—really far since then,

there is chance to recover, but our minds must bend.

There’s plenty of resources for us all to survive,

And even have homes, water and food for all people alive.

We’re going to have to work hard and strive.

It will take research and unlearning,

departure from this hive,

but satiation of yearning

can still arrive.

Even for trinkets and “meaningless” obsessions,

we have enough tools to destroy this oppression.

We will still work, and still live daily lives,

But we will be honest, without false inflation,

We will distribute goods amongst every nation.

Living in real world economy,

where we no longer think of an enemy.

We can even still live very comfortably,

With items of convenience shared for free.

We just can’t support this stupid economy,

unless we’re wealthy, stupid or we enjoy slavery.

There’s so much more that you deserve,

But they’re holding us back and making us serve.

Even spending money, to push good research under,

Just to prolong this world encompassing blunder.

The reach of those “elite” few has grown to be ubiquitous,

But our founding fathers are counting on us,

To protect their design which, to this day, remains tremendous.

The system they made was designed to protect us,

Our ignorance in using it is just plain sacrilegious.

The “lesser of evils” is the one that destroyed it,

along with me and you when we let them deform it.

Pay attention to congress and the hierarchy,

and start demanding better transparency.

It’s our fuckin’ country, made by you and me,

so stop looking for answers from FOX and NBC.

Those choices are ensuring our slavery.

Get off your ass and make a stand, it’s free,

And maybe we’ll retake our liberty.

Before you label and ignore me,

Remember the importance of speech that is free.

I’m not yet worried about UFOs

I’m much more concerned about what the facts expose

Right here and now in our own country

Awful things have happened; it’s up to you and me

To set this straight and do things right

We can’t be too indifferent or lazy to fight.

We must stand strong and gather our might

And never give up on repairing the blight

The road will be tough but we’ll do it despite

All obstacles are nothing, and this may sound trite,

But, we can restore our nation and the world’s delight.

I know it probably seems like I’m being forthright,

But it’s absolutely essential, you start caring tonight!

--

I wrote this poem some time ago and I feel like I probably didn't post it because I wanted to edit it, but I threw an excerpt of it online recently and so I've decided to post the whole thing. Another possibility is that I wasn't intending to link a long-time anonymous pseudonym to my publicly known profile, but I don't think I ever published any of the other stuff written under it so it seems like a moot point.

Implosively exploding, magnetically eroding, and eventually foreboding.

TheXenocide unloading encoding goading

Sleep is for the week
and blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth,
though once I’m done with her,
I’m not sure what she’ll be worth.
But don’t mind me,
I’m more of a tripper than a flipper,
seeking truth through insanity
over temporary remedy to reality.

The extremes of regimes suppressing
are in conflict with progressing
so let’s do the next best thing
while they’re in committee digressing
we can focus on collecting
and with others grow means for affecting
the world and more people projecting
peace and happiness connecting
the populace and infecting
with all those rejecting
greed and politics and expecting
inspecting, ejecting, respecting and erecting
discussing who they're electing
rather than deflecting
for fear of someone objecting
effecting intersecting subjecting
inflecting rather than neglecting.

Be weary however
we don’t have forever
we must get together
to push through whatever
may stand in our way.
Stand up this day
and be proud to say
you party and play
but you will not stray
from the NINJA way.

Is It Really Real Son?

I came to bring the pain hardcore from the brain, let's go inside my astral plane.

This is going to take a while to read but you should really consider it. If you can't read it all at least read the first link below or maybe make multiple trips. I'll warn you that this is emo as all hell, but in it there is hope and direction that could change lives and those lives could add up to a changed world. I say this more-so than much of the change I've ever supported. It's broad but it's deep and very much needed, so please take the time to read.

When you give it to me ay, give it to me raw

I just read the most wonderful and inspiring post about The Disease Called Perfection and I'm here now to show my support for being real. I'm not the only one either, it's important to know just how many people have been affected by this, and just how many more are there for support. There's a follow-up that promotes working together to be The CURE for "Perfection" and I'm in the mood to be a little more real than just one thing, but I'll try to follow the format at least loosely. I'm not so sure if these are my biggest trials, mistakes or struggles as I've had many and they've made me who I am today. I'm posting this here because even though anonymity is offered in the comments there I feel that I need to back my claims of being open and honest and catalog some of my imperfections here in front of my friends and family. All that said, here goes:

I dated someone for 5 1/2 years out of comfort and fear of change. I justified the things I should have taken as signs and I lied to myself and to her to keep it going. I was hurt and I caused pain. I became spiteful and angry, which takes a very very long time of repetition and exasperation and despite my lifelong quest for understanding, self control, patience and forgiveness, I once threw a pillow at her out of anger. Sure, "it was only a pillow" but I am more ashamed of that pillow than any other action of my life. My mother sacrificed everything, at times maybe even her last bits of sanity, saving my siblings and I from the cyclic abuse of all varieties that had plagued her family for generations and I always promised that I would never be one of those people. I wasn't true to my own values and standards and still I belittled hers for being selfish and immature.

If I could write to that person I once was I would tell him that there is a fine line but a huge contrast in working through differences of opinion and sacrificing who you are. I would tell him that he should be more confident and that he will find someone that accepts him for who he is because he's amazing, despite the few flaws that make him as imperfect as everyone else.

When I was younger and more reckless I threw a party at which a guest tried to force himself on a young lady. I was so blinded by rage that instead of just making a difference I beat him, bloodying his face and trying to break limbs, until I was pulled away. I invited the people, I intoxicated the young and inexperienced and the worst truth is that I would have killed him. It might not seem so bad to some, but even then I knew for a fact that people learn and change. My closest cousin and others in my family had already traveled those roads and, as terrible as rape is, what I did showed no more control than him. What's worse is that I've told people of this event as though it made me a protector or someone who stood against barbarianism when I myself had been one, before and after then, which may only stand to perpetuate such travesty. I probably knew this before but I didn't even admit it to myself until reading these posts and thinking back with a more critical eye and vulnerable disposition.

If I could send that young man a letter I would remind him of his own imperfections and that his place is not to judge but to support change. I would tell him that he can make a difference, even in those people, but he needs to be a good man and keep his convictions regardless of the situation or he stands only to reduce his own reliability and diminish the impact he can have. Most importantly, I would remind him, as he has thought he understood long before and after, that it matters not what one says, but what they do that defines who they are.

More recently than those is something that remains heavy on my heart, though lighter over time, even today. I found a friend who hung himself. I go over it and know that it's past and that he made his choice and that he told nobody and showed no signs, but every now and then I still break down and blame myself. What if I hadn't moved out? Why didn't I see how torn up he was? There's more, but "I know" none of that matters and that it's not my fault. He was unable to pursue the military career he always wanted in life, lost his "one true love" and probably felt that he had no hope but ultimately I believe that he felt like a burden on his friends and loved ones and thought it would be best if he stopped dragging them down. He didn't understand that his criminal record, joblessness and propensity for partying a bit too hard didn't mean he couldn't live a long and happy life making positive change in others as he always wanted but would seldom admit openly.

I'm not qualified to write a letter to this me just yet; I could put down eloquent and insightful words, but they're words I already know and have shared and hoped would put others at ease. They're words that are true and yet still I hold on not knowing why. I'm not so good at taking my own advice, though I tend to give it well. I support movements like To Write Love On Her Arms and try to make it known that life is never without value, not out of penance but because I didn't really understand just how real and close to home suicide could be. It doesn't weigh on me as heavily so perhaps it will eventually fade--only time will tell.

If I could write a letter to my friend though, I would remind him that people change and that the world changes. I'd also make it clear to him that as much as he depended on us, we were so much more dependent on him for the joy he spread so well. I'd point out how many people were changed by him and how amazing he was at bringing people together and tell him how much more powerful of a weapon that is in war than any weapon a soldier carries. I'd tell him how important it is for him to share his story, rather than leaving mere fragments of that power behind.

Perhaps it's just the way I'm looking at it, but the perfection article didn't tell me things I didn't know per se, but rather made me admit and realize many things. I reflect regularly, but the article and the amazing set of comments therein drew attention to things I had forgotten or buried. It reminded me the power and importance of open forum and gave me an opportunity to say things that are important to me with relevance to others and perhaps a chance to have a wider impact than my normal ramblings. I am also impressed and compelled by the response and have a renewed sense of hope that people will share their lessons with each other, be there for each other and help make a better world. A homeless man told me something as a child that I will never forget: "A smart man learns from his mistakes. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others."

Thank you Dan Pearce and all those taking part in this; I wish there was an adequate way to express the gratitude I feel

Is it real son, is it really real son, let me know it's real son, if it's really real. Something I could feel son, load it up and kill one; want it raw deal son, if it's really real.

Selective Interpretation

Well, I haven't posted in forever, and this isn't what I was shooting for, but I went on another rant in some forums related to "The Boondocks" animated TV series so I figured I'd post it here. Fragile readers beware, this is a serious and potentially controversial topic. You don't have to agree with me, but this is my little brain dump and I'd like to let others read it. If you have a sufficient argument (with some intellect behind it) feel free to debate, but here goes:

Anybody who sets or adheres to a policy that one race can do something and another can't (like say "the n word") is a racist.

I don't consider it important to mention what "color" or "race" I am, but suffice it to say that I've lived (throughout several states) in "the projects", inner city, suburbs, "redneck" country, been homeless, lived in a 3 bedroom house on an estate by the water and more. In the projects and city I said "the n word" and was called "the n word" on a daily basis and it didn't mean a thing until I moved somewhere else and experienced people selectively interpreting the term as offensive. I've seen different "rules" about who can and can't say it in every different place I've lived (even ones like "n*gga" is different from "n*gger" and places that say Latinos and South Americans are qualified; did you know the English have used it to refer to the Irish?). I understand full well the history and the connotation of the word, but as it stands today it's not about the word, it's about the intention.

If someone wants to be offensive it doesn't matter what words they use, they're going to be perceived as offensive. If someone wants to be offended, it doesn't matter what the circumstance is, they will find something to be offended about. Some people strive for drama (like people who react every time a non-"black" *person* says it) and some people are afraid of it (like people who aren't racist but are afraid to say the word because they figure people will think they are) but, ultimately, all of these responses are just giving power to something that is nothing more than a word. If I say sh*t or f**k today most people will just think it's normal or maybe somewhat irresponsible, but there was a point in time when it was very offensive (the term "curse words" comes from the idea that people would literally be cursed for using them; clearly they weren't and people realized it and moved on). What changed? The words didn't; only the mentality did. Just the same, people also say "bless you" because at some point people thought that sneezing expelled the soul from the body and that "blessing someone" would somehow put it back in or protect them.

We set the standards by living them, so you can support racism by taking a racist stance (like one person can say something that another can't) or you can move on and live your life like nobody is different which will (even if only slowly) change the general mentality and (hopefully) abolish racism/sexism/*ism. Remember that freedom is the right to do whatever you want so long as you don't affect someone else's right to do what they want.

We learn new things every day and the thing that holds us back more than anything are the people who refuse to move forward. Grow up, help mankind, and get over yourself and the past to work for a better future. Cracker, Wap, Porch-Monkey (somebody! quick! take it back! ;p), Spic, whatever: it doesn't matter unless you let it. We can't change the past; no word will ever be eliminated, sometimes most people just stop using it. Then again I'm being a bit loquacious, which is a word that is hardly ever used today (though I did wind up using it the other day), but it's still available when someone (like myself) wants it.

Who's to say any culture is "ours" or "yours" or anyone else's for that matter?! Ethnicity isn't about race (scroll down); it's about shared experiences and learning, much more frequently associated with location and is sometimes associated with a minority group, but only in a more recent and selective definition which also requires you to interpret religion in the same boat (anybody have any preconceptions about Muslims?). People appreciate and learn new cultures; the people that made Adult Swim what it is were appreciating Japanese culture and then it slowly became that of the "nerd" which the majority of were smart enough to appreciate anything made with some sort of intellect and humor (like "The Boondocks"). In any given week I eat food from at least 5 different cultures, including the "American" culture which has basically been a very recently evolved combination of many other cultures. Ultimately there are people who are trying to pretend they're something they're not so that people will see them a certain way ("cool" perhaps?) which, no matter whether it be "black" culture or the "popular" clique, always stand out as idiots who aren't confident or happy enough with themselves to be real. Anybody that makes "exceptions" to these racist institutions does so on the basis that someone is being "real" as opposed to being a "poser." You can pretend they're all different situations if you want, but you're selectively interpreting things to make your own life easier so you don't have to learn and evolve your own perspective. People want everyone else to see the world the way they do (subjectively) instead of trying to look at the world objectively and learning about their own inaccuracy. "Black" "Hip-hop culture" isn't even remotely close to what it was 10 years ago, let alone like the "black culture" of slavery or Jim-Crow-era post-slavery; cultures grow and evolve as people interact and move from one to another. Check the British Lady Sovereign et al on "The Battle" and you'll catch a completely different infusion of cultures made by people of multiple "races" - it doesn't matter what color they are or where they're from. Once you get past the accent you have to admit they spit real fire.

I'm seriously concerned about how many people look at this topic without ever taking a step back and looking at the big picture. With any luck the world will now be a better place; thanks for your time if you made it through all this.

Be real (Aaron McGruder would be),

-TheXenocide