Another Old Poem

This is another one of those "I wrote this a while back and never really planned on publishing it" types of things, but I was reminded of it today and figured it wouldn't hurt to dust off some old feelings and share them with the interwebs. Usually titles are really important to me but this doesn't really have one. I remember I had a hard time deciding whether this was even done or not, but for me poetry is one of those things that you just shouldn't over-think (which I probably already do entirely too often). That said, here it is:

--

With 20/20 vision

I look upon my decisions

In life’s long winding roads

with potentials no lone man knows

there’s always other paths to pleasure

exuding from life’s mysterious flows

but that by which ourselves can measure

is down which road one finally goes.

The hardest part is wondering

what’d be without our blundering

without regrets to send us tumbling

and that is where I’m now stumbling.

Yes lately I’ve been bumbling

and remnants are still grumbling

perhaps I deserve a bludgeoning

or my ex’s past curmodgeoning

as penance for my fumbling.

I need to keep myself on track

by keeping on, while looking back

finding value from my learning

about my self and inner yearning.

It’s amazing now how obvious

the costs that this may have for me

and of the chance I stayed oblivious,

how much pain I caused and didn’t mean,

god damn the possibilities I really should’ve seen.

Well, perhaps not so unseen,

so much as wouldn’t believe.

Wasn’t it just a dream?

I thought myself I did deceive.

The secure can lose all confidence

and the tempered lapse in temperaments

as fear of lack and a heart’s past bleak

can turn even the strong willed weak,

then fear of change makes the patient meek.

In comforts clutch mistakes rehearsed,

although this time, reasoning reversed.

Instead of waiting just a wee bit longer,

and growing but a tad bit stronger,

observing chance and keeping honor,

I jumped the gun and pulled the trigger

confused myself and dismissed her.

Alas, life’s loves and losses linger

interpretation doubts bring pains avenger.

It’s not like I don’t remember

and I’d never want to offend her;

I try to be hope and joy’s defender.

From now hence forth I’ll remember

what we do can be defended

but what we don’t can’t be amended.

If it’s not too late to try again

I won’t give up before the end

I can’t promise that I’m the one,

but I wasn’t playing pretend

and this time I guarantee that I won’t run.

If this can’t be or it’s no longer fun

then this is my apology for everything that I’ve done;

If I’ve misunderstood, as I’ve feared all along

don’t hate me for trying, I didn’t want to be wrong

I’ve been so afraid that she’d say “so long”

she’s an amazing person that I want to know lifelong.

--

My blog is starting to feel like a poetry feed and I'd like to remedy that and put something especially nerdy up here soon (and maybe fix that playlist on the side or just get rid of it), but it takes a lot less time to copy and paste something I wrote before than it does to write up something new. Anyway, I still have stuff to do so my nerdy followers will just have to wait.

TTFN